


That I'm sick of

by Berzul



Series: in Another World, [4]
Category: Touhou Project
Genre: Fantasy, Gen, Maybe other characters?, Other, dream - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-22
Updated: 2015-04-22
Packaged: 2018-03-25 07:37:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3802225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Berzul/pseuds/Berzul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A dream that is only to turn into a nightmare.</p>
          </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A dream that is only to turn into a nightmare.

Where am I, where is this place, Renko was wondering due to a currently suffered minor memory shock. She couldn't remember what happened just a few moments ago, to an unknown reason. There were some scattered scraps of fibbers inside of her head, but nothing as solid as something that would replace a neuron. For someone being in this status she was holding up pretty good, as in being still in one piece. The girl stood up from her laying position to smell the atmosphere around. The first thought of her was to find her phone and see if she could call for help, but there was a few things she had to realise initially. First was that she was no longer in possession of any of her personal items. Second, it was dark and probably night because it was hard to see anything. Third, that her grab was of a different kin, as she seldom wore kimonos, specially pure white ones. And finally the last, most important information, the place she was currently in resembled a cave underground. There was a faint ray of light coming down from a crack above. It illuminated the inside enough for her to be able to take steps without tripping. Because of that fact, she realised that she must had fallen down, though she did felt like no injuries or pains were suffered. Just then she started to analyse her current body in search for anything useful that could serve as clues. However, that only made her more confused, as she couldn't discern anything. Not the contact of her hand, or the reaction from the touch. Her smell was also missing, and no matter where she looked, her hazy vision couldn't focus on a single thing. It was a similar sensation you could feel within a dream, where your body might be diverted from your soul and act independently. Renko cognitively decided that she has to be asleep and not aware of whatever happened that caused this state. With those clues that was a more logical approach, although it still did not change much for the situation of being somewhere she did not recognize. Her adventurous spirit gathered and commanded her to approach this challenge with the utmost calmness and exhilarating happinesses. This was of course a dream, so there was no risk in doing anything wrong or having to deal with any consequences. The cave itself appeared rather uninteresting, she was thinking as she moved in the direction of the light. There was no sound, the walls were looking mostly the same, and no matter long far she would reach with her eyes the exit was not seen. Perhaps inside there is something amazing, Renko's spirit told her, as it helped fuel her drive in this dim journey. She was eager to meeting the inhabitants of this place, if there are any.

Walking barefooted around in a rather dangerous and slippery environment caused the girl to think about just why her outfit did not came with occasional geta, because that what she concluded was fitting. However, since it was rather steep for anything other than mountain type of boots, this situation provided her with insight about travelling. It was not different than walking with shoes on, even the cold from the ground was not sensed. Renko was wondering why, until she saw something in the distance that was interesting for her. It was a change from the rock filled environment into a wooden construction of a bridge over a flowing river. It was strange at first, that she did not hear or smell the water from afar, but since this was a dream it was not oblivious that the image just appeared in the girl's mind without a warning, simply because the senses work under different conditions in the dream. Rather than being a project of organs, the impact was directly connected inside the brain. Perhaps there would be something more fun if I cross it, Renko pondered as she casually decided to use the bridge to pass to the other side of the river. The railing gave out an ominous impulse when she touched it, as if she was no longer being alone. However, the girl saw no one there, so naturally she continued with a little bit worried steps. As the hand passed along the balustrade, that strange mystery was solved with a touch of another entity. It was clear now that something was in the middle on the bridge, but it was rather invisible inside the dream, until the girl decided to take another look. There was voice heard, even if there was no one there. It wanted to know if Renko, who was the only recipient of it, if she was lost or in need of guidance. Because she was not sure if she is either of those things, she replied that she simply does not know. In return of that message the voice spoke again. This time it was rather a confusing preach of how the speaker was infuriated about the jealousy she felt towards a person with no sense of direction and yet perfectly heading towards the goal. It was not clear whenever the expression was a personal reflection or was there anything important in the words of the air. Because of that confusion Renko decided to move forward, just to face another wall. A similar situation from before, there was something invisible、blocking her advance and it seemed to wanted to converse. This time it was a question about her memory, if she did recall what brought her here. The girl's answer was the same, as she did not know what to say in this case as well. The vocal entered the atmosphere again. Would it be a shame if all this effort was in vain, that the girl was wrong about you, it articulated. At that moment Renko was worrying herself if that was supposed to be an examination and if she would get another question wrong something would have happen. Deciding to continue still, she simply had nothing that would help her in comprehending how and what was broken in her memory, until she was on the other side. The exit was blocked for the third time, in all the same fashion. This time there was no voice, but a vision. What appeared before the girl was figure of a person in extravagant cloth. In her modestly she looked beautiful, although the only object on her face you could see was her emerald eyes. That image was rather repulsively troubling. Renko wanted to step back, but as she did, she sensed another figure behind her. Quickly she was grabbed from the rear and prevented any movement with a grip that was sure not to let her escape. This was the final question, and the girl awaited for the fate she was put into. Instead of something cruel it was a calm voice, that could gently put anyone to sleep, asking if the person before it was ready to make the decision. Despite the early confusion, the girl responded with yes, which sounded as she was long through of making it. Then the words continued to emerge from the figure. If you are that sure, perhaps you should see the truth yourself, it said as it stretched its arms inviting the traveller to continue her journey. The clutch was released and the shape moved aside, so that Renko herself could freely walk forward. But in the garden of the questions she had more visitors than before, ones that would surely be welcomed for a longer stay. That annoyed her, as she bolted fast further inside the cavern, causing her to almost trip. What was this figure, who was this girl it was speaking of, and how did I got here. Those were only to be explained if she not looked back.

After the encounter on the bridge, Renko was pushing forward for some reason faster than before. She did not feel tiredness, but a desire not to spend her time unproductively. There was some connection that was forming inside of her brain, but it was still a little early to decide on semantics. All she knew was that this dream would end if she followed a path, and if not, something else would happen that would deeply sadden her. Each second counted, as she reached a sudden depression going rapidly down. The girl with her agility and shoeless attire decided to jump down to save time, rather than climbing. Soon she found herself in a different location, as it was pretty lit for a underground cave. There was a huge city or something in the far, inviting with not only the sight but amazingly busy life. Apparently the people there were having some kind of festival from the looks of it, the girl thought. The sight made her want to check whichever this was the destination she was looking for. With taking haste, she soon arrived on the main street, which without any doubt was a pleasure for eyes. However, the sight of the girl was hazed and she only felt that this place is entertaining for two reason. One was that her legs were feeling like dancing to the music, that she noticed to be playing. And second that somehow she was thirsty for alcoholic liquid refreshments, as her head was wobbling side to side resembling a drunkard. There was slight inconsistency between how this situations was inviting, and how Renko felt like there was something recent she forgot about. In any case, she was soon absorbed into the crowd of people she could only cognitively see. There was a certain atmosphere of chaos combined with energy that promoted a response to chant. Soon the girl would intoxicate herself and perhaps stay here forever, unless something else happen. Because she was a guest no one invited, the girl somehow found her way into the crowd unnoticed, with few exceptions. There were eyes observing her that she could not notice, with horrifying intentions. It was when she reached for the spirits, she was meet with rejection.

There was a sudden sound and the girl was looking around trying to find what has happened. It resembled a glass hitting the ground near where she was standing but there was no shards to be found. Additionally, from this close distance one could surely suffer the impact on their body, which the girl did not. Renko was unaware why this happened, or how, so she simply followed her trance into the next drink. But there was something preventing that cause of action, similar to a stimulation resembling the one from the bridge. Was there a person inviting me to dance, or perhaps offering me a cup, the girl was thinking as she stopped still. For a second the lights were turned off, showing darkness anywhere you would look but one spot that was lit in red. The fear was the only air in the motionless world of that instance, filling the soul of the poor girl. Because something was holding her hand, she tried to make a jump and force the grip to loosen. Despite her best effort in that attempt, Renko only managed to fall onto the ground, messing her clothes up. It was a little awkward looking but she kept on trying to escape, as she crawled on the ground, alas no to effect. The stranger then pulled the girl back up with small effort, and wanted to start conversing with her. However, the person in the clutch was not willing to comply with their mouth or their body. In this situation the figure decided release the hold and instead, by using both of the hands, shoved the girl away into another shape who caught her. This process repeated, despite of the protests of mind and hands of the girl. She was treated like a ball in a children's game between players who were acting as if they are unaware of what were they playing with. Such inhuman act should not come unpunished, Renko was thinking as she tripped and fallen on her face. She felt like the collision caused enough damage that her nose and forehead was bleeding, though it was more of a placebo effect than reality. As she stood up, with shaking and tired legs, the girl clenched her firsts and delivered a punch in the direction of someone close to her. There was impact and the hit surely connected, confirmed by the reaction that she felt on her hand. Since this was dream, the girl was acting without thinking, and even if the course of this action was to cause even greater pain, this was the right thing to do, she thought. Her anger was boiling and her determination was admirable but also in vain. There was no change in the stranger's position, nor any harm was dealt. It was either her strength that was lacking or that the adversary was above her abilities. In any case, she was determine to try again and again, as she took a step back to strike. However, as she were prepared to attack, her defence did not anticipate anything. The next second all she could feel was the hurt all over her body and that she is currently on the ground without having the energy to stand up. Her limbs gave up on trying as her head told her not to open her eyes because of the pain. Only when she tried to say something she realised that in her current position she was a easy prey for the group around her. But that was of minor importance for her, because she decided not to give up and instead strive her high valued integrity. The words she decided to release from her coughing mouth deeply angered the crowd around her, as they started to curse and kick her defenceless body until she passes out. The ribs, stomach, her thighs and head all received equal distribution of pain. One hit after another her light was giving out, darkening her minuscule senses that were still left. Soon she started reflecting upon if her decision was right or not. Perhaps if she played along, the aggressors would not cause her that much suffering. Would that be a better fate than this, she thought. Before stopping her mind to forget about her conciousness, Renko decided that keeping solidity was the right choice in the end, that if she ever woke up again she could not neglect it. Perhaps there was also something else that helped her in that judgement.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Go to hell.

With the pulse connected to soul, the conciousness was regained. Somehow, the sense of death was present in the artery, swimming along with other creatures of the night. The girl opened her eyes to see if the world still exists, as if that was enough to tell if someone is still alive. Unaware of what happened recently, she noticed that her clothes are loosely hanging from her body. She had to retie her obi in order for them to not fall off. It was a very light made inner wear used mostly indoors so it was not complicated, although Renko was still a little bit confused about what was the proper way to fasten it. A simple knot would work for her, but since she was not a enthusiast of Japanese styled clothing, she also did not know much about their maintenance. Somehow she managed to keep their composure in place, after trying several times. The most difficult subject was that she did have little feeling in the fingers that forced her to concentrate in order to succeed. With that out of her problems, Renko started wondering where is she or what she was doing before she got here. A couple of ideas came to mind, like how her body was sore, how her head kept on telling to move forward and not look back. Where was she anyway, this appeared to be some kind of underground complex of enormous magnitude. There was a few scorched rock formations along with rivers and waterfalls of lava. Just from this sight anyone would instantly burn but the girl was left unharmed from the flames. Not that she particularly wanted to submerge her into torrid liquid, but then again she might be needing to swim in order to get out of place. To escape, despite not seeing an exit, was her current goal to fulfil with only using the pair of both her feet and eyes. Is this how a person walking on a bed of hot embers feels like, did I achieved a higher divination, she was pondering half serious. It was that she did not feel a difference between walking here or on any other ground that made her think so, even though she did not realise why. The direction-less stride ahead seemed like a good decision. As she advanced further into the unknown, she suddenly felt a presence of something ominous. A light floating in the air that gave out a chilly sensation when looked at. For some reason its attention was not attached to anything happening around it, as Renko approached with ease. Was there a purpose of why it would be here, or why it appeared to be alive and yet motionless, the girl was contemplating while trying to touch it. From the information she could read inside her mind, the answer was that the entity there was waiting for something that would never happened as it lost all hope. It was a sorrowful sight for the girl, even though she simply emphasised using only her heart without knowing. But then the ray of light burst ablaze right in front of her which caused Renko nearly to jump from surprise. It creepily turned towards her in a slow motion, facing her with directly and filling the girl's pupils with burning images. Then it spoke in a calm inviting voice that was both lifeless and terrifying. It wanted to know if the person in front of it was here for the same reason, or that if she knows the cause of why is she here. Even if that question sounded somewhat familiar, the girl couldn't know and shrugged in response. The next sound that filled the air was a request for the girl to wait along with the fiery entity, as it was lonely and did not see another being in forever. What happened after, before Renko could reply as she was rather interested in knowing what was the purpose of waiting here, other spirits gathered from far away forming a circle around her. They all had their wishes to converse with newly acquire partner. Everyone wanted different things from her, and everyone seemed to be eager to get their response as fast as possible. Therefore it was quite a chaos Renko had to deal with now, as she was not likely to resist this situation for much longer. The girl ignited her legs and started running away, as the transparent things were not a blockage for her. In few moments it was already over, the pursuers given up without even trying to tail her. As strange as it might sound, it was a little underwhelming that she escaped so easily. In any case, with the new information she managed to gather, she started to realise that this place might not be very pleasant for its visitors. But it was not the time to lose hope, she had to find a solution to this problem herself.

The girl kept wondering both in her mind and in this place. Whichever was to come first, the answers to her questions or the exit, was certainty something that would enable her to move forward, as this was what she really wanted. No time loss was important, neither was the cost, it had to be simply done. She wanted to achieve something, even though her mind could not produce a single clue that would steer her trail of thoughts. There was also nothing inspiring in this dull place, so either way her goal was to escape, as she took into the opposite direction from the gathering of glowing entities. That destination was at least more calming for her tired soul, as she disliked their presence. There was someone else than the previously mentioned actors at the scene. A person not known to the girl, even though it knew about her existence pretty well. It suddenly approached Renko to her surprise, and howled at her. The relief from seeing another soul that was not all pleasant and was rather strange. It was a mix of calmness and the stench of decaying after death, both inviting and repulsing. The girl did not know what would be the correct way to respond, so she simply stood still and took a glance at the other person. The sight was rather amazing as the stranger resembled somewhat a person in a green dress with ornaments along with strange cat-like ears and two tails, something you could see in a antique shop mixed with a poor taste for accessories. Perhaps in this dream it was possible that the other person was simply a strange nightmarish creature and those were real living attachments. Despite that unsure examination, there was also two more things that accompanied her. It was a few of the earlier met fiery spirits and a cart that was seemingly empty. What was inside was not clear, because the girl was too far to check. However, as her curiosity led her towards the item in question, and as she started walking, the other person called for her to cease action. Perhaps it wanted to say something, Renko thought, and asked if that person knew more about this place while still moving. There was no reaction other than the unreasonable plead that was repeated once again. The girl figured that this fellow surely was knowledgeable, and perhaps replying to her calls would be slightly more beneficial. The stranger, seeing that its interest stopped, decided to approach her closer for a certain reason. Both of individuals meet eye to eye each reflecting their shallow facade in each others pupils. The girl was unsure what would happen next, as she tried to continue to question the green cloth figure in order to extinguish the fire between then. But something was clearly wrong, deep in her mind something was getting redder, burning with the adrenaline. It was soon clear that the stranger wanted to introduce her to a transport machine, the ominous looking and uninviting wheelbarrow. Suddenly the girl was grabbed by her shoulder and forced her inside of it. The captured Renko, who could not react in time, was now inside of something with unknown and repulsing structure, which resembled decaying remains of humans bathing in something horrible. The liquid of morbid odour painted her clothes and skin in carmine, as she desperately tried to swim herself out of it. There were also pieces of lamb Amirstan and skeleton hands that grabbed onto her, pulling her further inside which also accounted for her demise. She did not have time to deliberate and find the best possible way to breakout from these clutches, as suddenly the cart started to move. The pieces inside were grossly touching her body, along with the fluid being forced into her nostrils and mouth. She had to hold her breath to prevent further incontinences happening to her lungs, while the inside of the cart kept on rocking at a high speed. Her wish of getting out was soon to be realised, but only to a more darker fate. The stranger stopped, and with a flip, Renko found herself flying towards the reservoir of red hot boiling magma. That surely marked the end for her existence, as in the air she could not steer her motion. With her mind being not able to think anything in this rapid moment, and just in matter of milliseconds, her body submerged into the substance a whole, leaving no doubts that she was no longer on the surface.

The fires that gently rippled in the land of darkness, cradling the victimized girl into deep sleep. If in this moment she would accept their last mercy and realised something terrifying, surely she would not see the ending. Because there was something she still needed to do in her life, she risen her conciousness above the surface again. It was painful, and without that light of hope it would extinguish, but with the strength of not yielding to fate Renko was once again in state of being. Moments later the girl realised that she was at the same place just a while ago. It was this mysterious cave that was ablaze and in which a person who threw her into the manga. The said entity was standing not far from the girl's position and wore a strange expression of both excitement and surprise. Additionally it wanted to express those feelings, along with ensuring that the kidnapping won't happen again. That was because the wheelbarrow affair was a misunderstanding, the figure was continuing proclaiming to the not persuaded girl. Soon after it noticed her facial expression, it decided to gain her trust with introducing itself. Apparently the stranger was a member of a group that manages this place and its flames, and the specific job of the person with the wheelbarrow was to keep the spirits and the dead locked here. However the girl protested, as she was neither of them. Renko was simply someone that was currently dreaming and wanted to find the end for this nightmare. She also articulated on what ground was she considered someone not alive, as she was clearly capable of convincing that she is not dead. But this was a troubling statement she soon realised, as the stranger inquired if the girl knew anything about her past before she got here. She casually shrugged without giving a straight answer, saying that she is currently working on an explanation so the other individual should not worry about it. However this was exactly what the mysterious person wanted to hear, as it was the key to solving a mystery. The elucidation proceeded, but was not fully understood by Renko who had her own idea about which state she was in. From the stranger perspective, it was that her lost soul that wondered into this place in a mistake, which has to be fixed. But the girl denied the accusation, proclaiming that she is surely aware of the fact that this current conciousness is inside of a dream. It was something similar to what other wondering souls would say, according to the figure. However, it did not press the subject because it also knew that it was useless to convince spirits otherwise. Instead it proposed that in the end they would not resolve this matter without a judge. Although for that sake they needed to leave this place behind, it was not a problem for the girl as she wanted to do that anyway. Still her minuscule condition was that she wanted to go on her own two feet, not but a mean of transportation. It was accepted by the stranger, with a faint smile that was seen below its orbs for eyes. With this temporary treaty, both of the individuals marched towards the promised exit to see who was right. For Renko it looked more and more strange how this dream was developing, but as she remained herself of how twisted and mind-shaking they can become she calmed a little. In order to put things together she started recalling what happened so far. Starting from the beginning, she was put into a cave underground that she supposedly fallen into. Next, she took for a bridge that she needed to answer questions in order not to suffer, although she did not recall what they were or how did she respond. Afterwards, she remembered that something happened that was fun, but it did not last for very long, as this memory prompted the feeling of her body being extremely sore. And in the end she found herself carried away by the very same stranger she was walking with and then forcefully taken for a bath in something she would rather forget. All those horrible things happened in this cave, with the darkness chasing her, trying to constrain her into madness. The only sane part of her soul told her that this is still a dream, not a nightmare.

Due to her current partner's recent affair involving a wheelbarrow, the girl was trusting it from a safe distance. Secretly her plan was to escape and run away at the best occasion because of the grief she felt. In actuality, the right moment would happen soon, but not exactly as she schemed. The stranger lead her into an entrance of a building that was overwhelming from this perspective. It said that inside she would find the person who would know what to do next. Even though the girl did not trust that statement, somehow she was feeling that this direction was correct for her goal as well. That made her decide to step in through the large open door. Inside the atmosphere reminded the girl of a cathedral, huge empty spaces with pillars on each side, colourful mosaics of rainbow variety illuminated the floor, multiple branching paths leading to even more mystery. If this really was the place I needed to go it would surely take me some time, Renko thought while strolling through. Since she was accompanied by someone it would be possible for the stranger she meet to know the way. However, there was no longer anyone beside the girl, as she could not find said person. Would the figure suddenly disappear, she wondered now being alone again. That was what she wanted after all, so there was no one else but herself to blame. Despite that, she was concentrated on the current case which was finding something she was searching for. Simply any direction would do, as she started with a pathway to her left. If this structure is indeed a maze, I will find the exit using this ancient technique, she was jokingly thinking to herself. Soon she would find herself in a long corridor with entrances to rooms that gave the impression of being endless. It was certainty just the matter of checking every door until she would find the right one. The shape of them was a little eye attracting, because there was a small shutter on each that one could open, allowing them to see the inside. Renko could not help her curiosity but to look right away into each one. She opened the closest and there was nothing inside, just a empty room with a window and without inhabitants. However the door itself was locked, her interest in exploring further turned away from it. The girl decided to check another area close by, which was interestingly different. Inside there was an empty bed along with some straps on it, presumably to keep whoever on it secured. Among other trifling things, like a cabinet or screens, nothing brought a concern in the girl's mind. However, all those instruments put together made her think that this place, or at least this room, was meant to be a hospital wing that served to keep the patients inside. Perhaps she would use an examination, out of curiosity, but intelligibly the image of the leather straps on the top of the hospital bed was not an inviting sight. She was interested in finding a door which she could open, and the last one was not what she was looking for. Still, she continued her travel keeping her hopes up. Unfortunately, this process continued for a while until she found something out of this world.

This time Renko was rather reluctant at manipulating the shutter, because she felt something dangerous inside of the room. But as soon as her hand moved without her consent, something hit with a huge force that was felt on the other side as well. The girl did not lose her balance but was really curious just what is in there, as she slowly operated the visor. What she saw, deeply glued into the window, was a sight of a frightening humanoid monster caught in a straitjacket, furiously shaking its overgrow hair. The sound it made was something incomprehensible for even someone from its kin. Whatever was Renko doing, it was well aware of her presence, as it appeared to be looking directly at the door. With its pair of spider-like legs for libs, that were sticking out the bottom of the suit, it rushed towards the girl. It was the signal for her to stop looking as she quickly shut close the window between them two and turned away. Luckily for her heart the door repelled the force, and she was safe from the harm. After the sound of the impact echoed through the hallway, something else was also to be heard. There was a set of footsteps repeating along with something rolling on a wheel, Renko thought as she tried to analyse them. As it was clear for her that something was heading her way, hence she decided that it would be smart to run directly away from it. However, she suddenly felt a strange sensation at the back of her ankle. There was no time to study what it was. It resembled something like a needle injection, but it might have been a just cramp of the muscle. In her haste, and in matter of few moments later, she realised that it was not as unimportant as she first thought. The loss of energy she felt caused her to slow down and face another problem further ahead. There was a wall now in front of her, instead of the corridor, as perhaps she reached the end of it. At that time, the sound of an unknown pursuer was getting louder. She had to think of something quick. The only other escape was to hide inside one of the rooms that she passed while running. There was no time to lose, she was thinking as she bolted towards the closest door. Unfortunately, neither that one or several others were openable by hand. The fate she soon had to meet was perhaps not a more cruel one that being put in a room with the monster she saw. Not giving up on trying all the doors, Renko was feeling as she had a fewer with a high temperature, and was losing energy in legs. She suddenly tripped and was on the ground looking at someone pushing a hospital bed towards where she was laying. Just before her conciousness was to fade out of exhaustion, she felt something lifting her body onto top of the bed. Where would I end up next, were her last words spoken before closing her tired eyes.

In dreams often you can see a pattern in which you suddenly find yourself in a different place after something happened. It is similar to how movies skip a certain part of the story by using transitions. The next scene usually happens after the previous one, although the difference in the dream is that they are almost not related at all. It is rare for one story to go on for a long time while sleeping, however surely those kinds are greatly enjoyed by everyone. Renko's head, who did already experienced much in the current dream of hers, was to be forcefully put inside a water basket in order for her to wake up. She regained her conciousness after choking a little liquid outside and opened her senses. This time she was no longer in hold of her own freedom, as her limbs felt something binding them. It was a specially crafted suit that covered her entire body but the head, which gave the impression of cold dampen blanked that covered her skin directly. Her body was positioned in a standing orientation, although her foot were not on the ground but being suspended in air, with having something soft that resembled a bed supporting her from behind. With this in mind, Renko realised her current status was rather hopeless and inundated with restrains. As she tried to struggle and twitch there was no change in how loose her binding were, until she stumbled upon the fact that escape is not possible. She noticed that she was inside of a room that she saw earlier, where the doors were locked from both sides. Therefore, even if she released herself from this tether it would not help with the exit, but at least it would allow her to change into something more dry. A few droplets of water gently fallen off her face down towards the ground, as her head was still damp from the waking up procedure. With convenience, the girl felt that someone was wiping her head with a towel. But since she was not aware of anyone but herself inside room, it staggered her unexpectedly. Just who was with me at this moment, she wondered while looking around again. There was indeed someone else, at the corner of her eye she could sight a presence. It was a person she could swear she remembers from somewhere, just from where was it, the girl pondered. For Renko it was rather uncomfortable to stay much longer in this position, hence she decided to start a conversation. She asked if it would be possible for her to have a change of clothes and be stationed differently, most desirable position would be outside. But the person denied with only one word, and manipulated a lever. That altered the position of the girl, along with the bed, into a horizontal one. This way she could clearly see a face leaning towards her from above. Although she wanted to examine it further, she was interrupted by the lips who spoke. Firstly they apologized for the inconveniences the girl suffered on her way here, and that they are happy since the girl finally reached the destination they wanted. But there was something off for Renko, as she replied that she did felt that this is not the place where she wanted to go, and asked why would she be in such secure position. Because it was for your own safety, the stranger assured, even if it seems extreme. All those measures are because from your perspective it would be impossible to realise the sickness you are carrying, the voice continued explaining. However, the girl hearing that was rather unimpressed by the lack in detail of the exposition. What she only wanted was to be released, not examined, as she suddenly reminded herself of her joke in irony. However, despite her protest the figure proceeded with its plans. There was a flash of blinding ray from a source that resembled a eye shaped flashlight. It directly impacted Renko through her sockets and into the brain. Even if she immediately closed them, she could still see the radiance. Soon, she left like her own body was about to give out, as if her soul was disconnected from it. But this was just the beginning of her journey in this dream world.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Satorarium is a place where your nightmares become alive.

Immediately after regaining conciousness, I opened my eyes to confirm my situation. I was apparently inside of a room laying on a bed, with little more to say. For some strange reason, I was wearing some awkward pyjama-like clothes, but I don't prefer such attire for nightwear, at least not when I grew up from them. In any case, I felt a little embarrassed to have an appearance of a child, but there was soon something I realised, that was both calming and worrying. In the room there was a section with soft plushies and toys, though even if tried I would have difficultly in recognizing if those were actually my possessions. There was also a cabinet with a mirror on top of it. I decided to look and check if I could see my reflection, but it was too high for me. Therefore I hoped back on the bed to gain height, only to see my previous young self. It looked like my shape was back in the early school days, and although it was cute, it was also strange that I shrunken. This image change was something that could happen only in dream, at least not considering that this is some kind of distant future technology. In any case, I was excited like a child for some reason, since it was a cosy nostalgic feeling that you don't often encounter from day to day. I instantly decided that I would search for cute clothes to try on, but I was unlucky unfortunately. The only suitable pair I found was a school uniform along with knee-high socks there were still adorable but also remained me of how constipating it was to wear them, at least when I had classes that lasted for an entire day. The skirt was always too short or high when I was growing up, I remembered. But now I was in a stage before puberty, so I guess any skirt would be long for me. This one I just put on was over my knees so I could not complain. But in any case it seemed that I lost my time sense playing with the clothes and that I was getting late to leave for school. I hasty buttoned up everything, grabbed my backpack and the sailor hat which was a regulation, and took for the outside. As soon it opened I realised I forgot my shoes and my books, so I rushed back again to picked them up. I was sure this time I had everything, I hoped as I was leaving my room behind.

I found myself on a road between neighbourhoods, there was not a single soul on it but there was something strange about it. There was no colours, only contours, outlines of what happened to be shapes of fences, night lamps or trash bins. Perhaps this was inside of a movie or a comic, but I was getting late for school and did not really have the time to tell why or how it turned that way. I started running ahead, like most students would do in this situation. It was a long time since I was feeling the air like this. Although it was safer to say that I did not feel actual wind, just it reminded me of a time when I used to jog for recreation. In any case, I was wondering if I would be on schedule for the bus, as I recalled I also forgot to bring a phone with me. That was too late, I couldn't do anything about it, so I just ran faster hoping for the best. In the end of the rush, I was a little exhausted, but I guess I was on time, the bus was just arriving at the stop. I quickly, and without thinking, hopped onto it before it left, but in all this gasping for air I forgot to check if I had the ticket for it. The first idea was to look inside my knapsack's other pockets. Fortunately, the transit card I used was still there, but soon I realised I don't even need it. It was not because of some kind of discount for minors, but despite what supposed to be the inside of a bus, was a room with multiple doors for me to choose. Perhaps one of those paths would be the entrance to the school, I thought, but it did seem a little strange that it turned out like this. Because I couldn't turn my back, I had to pick one in case I wanted to go further. The door on the right looked inviting, although they all were the same, for some reason that one was for me. Without worry and in aspiration for a new adventure I grabbed the handle and entered.

What was waiting for me inside was of course school, but empty. It would turn for a worse if it turn out that I was actually late for school, even being on time for the bus, so I had quickly change my shoes. Strangely, only my shelf was occupied, as if the institution was deserted. That was not normal, I thought, but decided to change anyway. I wanted to see if I could find out what happened if I explore the inside, while curiously stepping on the floor. Curiously, because I was already late from the looks of it, there was no need to hurry to the class. But then again I did not know where it was held at anyway, so I decided to check every door. All of them were locked, even those to the teacher room, cafeteria, nurse room. Although I did not know why would I go in there. There were some memories of how I used to talk to the lady working there. Apparently I was a frequent visitor there, as I was getting bruises from running and tripping. This place was both something that I would not like to return but was a pleasant memory in the end. There was also a drink dispenser, that I remember losing money to. Seriously they ought to repair or to remove this thing as it was a hazard to the students funds. Although I did not think that wide when I was a child, I was simply infuriated it stole my coins. Then the adults said that I shouldn't be that mad because of some stupid machine ripping me off, but it only made me more angry. Honestly, looking about at what I have done it was really awkward for an adult to do that now. But after this refection I was done with checking the doors, which all were locked, on this floor at least. The next level is going to be closed too, I thought, and I was of course right. Will the last one be the one with the prize, I was hoping, because it would have been a waste just to go to school on an empty day. And I was right, there was a door I could go in finally, a little underwhelming it's only that one. However I recalled some significance in the number. It was my old class, yea I remember now. It was the last year that I recall the most from, when I keep asking everyone where would they go after graduating and being afraid I would be left without friends at the new school. In any case, I decided to peak in, just in case if anything funny was inside.

I entered my old classroom, the only one I could go in anyway. Not to my surprise there was no one there, but still this place was a school and I was a student. I couldn't just ditch class for no reason, so I decided at least to explore further to see if there is something fun to play with. The first thing I noticed was the particularly ordered chairs and desks in a way that I instantly recognize what did they mean. I remember this game, where you arrange them in a certain pattern and next you would have to pass under them crouching without moving them or losing balance. It was really hard for the taller boys, but for me it was just fine, and at least we had fun after cleaning the classroom. Seriously, the teachers were angry that we were not doing out job but we were already done. But yea, I think because of those memories I decided to take my chances and lowered down to enter the maze. First I pardoned my knapsack and examined which way would be the easiest. The pattern was rather gentle at start but soon it started to get more chaotic, so I just decided to try my best luck and went with my hunch. There was no chairs up front so it started okay, but soon there was one after the other like they were stacked on top of each other. Additionally I could not just move to the outside, I had to squeeze right through all of the obstacles without pushing them. I could not use my hands with the ground so instead I stretched them for balance. I had to position myself on the side and by shoving the foot to the other, slowly I jammed through the first set of them. However there was the second one and this time it was more dense. Still, there was only one thing I could do, try to repeat the previous endeavour. I lowered my head and braced for the worst. Just about when I thought I was going to trip with my shaking legs, I was done. I passed the challenge, without fail, and that filled me with joy. However, just as I released my victory cry, on the last table, I noticed something falling off. As I stood stupefied, I seemed to touch the last obstacle just by a tip of the hat. Quite literally, because the sailor bonnet that was issued from the school uniform fallen off my head. I was hiding my face both because I couldn't believe that I made such an embarrassing mistake causing me to fail the challenge, but also since I completely forgot I was wearing one indoors. As I picked it up from the ground my face was looking red and almost I could hear how the other kids were laughing. I got really angry because of my stupidity, but decided to dampen it with a smile of my own. I was not big into a crowd of people surrounding me, so I avoided unnecessary attention, which somehow I was always getting. In any case, I was pondering where would the sound came from since I already checked that no one was here. For some reason what caught my attention was the blackboard, which was clean. I decided that I would write something with the chalk nearby. But what exactly I wanted to do, I was thinking when I doodled something resembling a animal, at least it looked that way for me. Unfortunately for me, I couldn't really remember when was the last time I drew something, that it actually made me contemplate what have I created. Was this a snake eating an elephant or a hat, I could not tell just by looking. In any case it was funny looking so I laughed to myself in a childish cackle.

I was glad that I could enjoy my childhood again, even if only from inside of the dream, while outside the evening fallen. It was getting late, as in I should be going home. However, there was something I had in my mind, the feeling I forgot about something. Actually, now that I took too much time having fun I completely forgot to check out my desk or my closet. There could be some clues there I thought so it would not hurt to check. However I spoke to soon because as soon I inserted my hand in the desk pocket something stung me into my finger. I had no idea but inside were a pair of callipers that I remember playing with. Of course those were for school but they also had many other uses. It is something I should definitely bring along with me, I thought, and opened the backpack. But there was something already inside, it was a strange globe. I remember clearly as it was a present from someone, but I seemed to forgot who. In any case I simply had to grab the item from my desk and put it inside, there was still plenty of space inside. It did not become lighter, however I also reminded myself that it is missing books I put just this morning. They would not matter anyway, since there was no class. Therefore I was happy to gain a new item to my collection, but what is inside the closet, I was transmitting like a person of on television show. Of course the answer was obvious since there was one only thing I could find, I thought. I was right, it was my gym clothes. Perhaps it is a little strange that those type of items are later acquired by adults for much different reasons that kids wear them. Since I was a child, as in looked like one, my awkward desire to perhaps try one on could have been fulfilled. Well this was the best time I could, will ever have in this dream, I thought as I simply went for it just not to miss the opportunity. Only because of my tiny body, the bloomers fitted well, as in they did not fall off. It felt a little strange after all, because as an adult I seldom wear something that would reveal my legs all the way up to the waist. But then again, it was just for this one time, and no one was watching. But I was wrong, as I heard a bell and something heading this way. Suddenly, before I could even think about changing back, someone I recognized as a friend rushed through the door and waved at me to hurry. Then I could hear my classmate's voice, something about being late and everyone was waiting. I quickly dropped the skirt I was hiding behind and bolted out of the room. Perhaps because I was such in hurry, I also instantly forgot about the embarrassment. However, the entry of my friend reminded me of what day was today, and that I was needed somewhere else.

Running down the stairs I discovered something happening on the school's field. There were people gathered there and it seemed something fun was about to happen. Since I already had the occasional clothes on, it was simply a matter of me going there and doing my best. It actually made me recall of that one day during the school festival, where something happened. As far as I can remember, it there was an unfortunate accident of one participants and even if the fault was unclear I was blamed. I could not hide my anger and started shouting back, eventually going into a fight with the other girl. The aftermath was that we both were banned from competing again. It was actually funny, because we would still continue the scuffle anyway, despite the teacher's decision. In the end I think I won as she gave up, but really doing similar as an adult is unthinkable, at least I thought that. The distance you get to life is amazing, now that I consider it. You act completely different when you grow up and forget about all the rules of how school worked. Even if it is not the same fun, I still enjoy simple pleasures, I guess. Suddenly in the absence of my mind, I was no longer running but was about to. I was standing on a starting line with my hands tied behind my back. The reason for was to prevent the participant from helping herself with them. Of course it was a very primitive way of doing it but also increased the challenge as balancing with hands that was also an important part of a sprint. But here I was with other contestants and a crowd looking at me. It seemed that I was picked from the schools athletes to represent the school honour. I could not simply finish, I had to be first for the sake of it. And with simple get set go, we bolted forward. Even if someone was about to get a lead it was not a matter of speed but technique and endurance, as an example of the difficulty was soon to be showed to everyone. The first hurdle was a road made out of rubber tires that you could only step in not on. It required amazing coordination to travel through fast, as sampled by one of the girls who wanted to go too quick and fallen flat. It is really important to take it slow I think, since getting up always loses more time. As I carefully overcame the first trail, now I had to jump high and catch a piece of a wet object, hopefully not fresh from cleaning the board. I do not know what is the charm of this experience but I could not lose time thinking. I positioned myself under, it was exactly on top of my head. Because that would only cause my hair to get wet, I repositioned myself that my teeth and the goal was in a straight line, while keeping my head horizontally. Now for the jumping part, you have to give yourself a little space between the legs and crouch about half way. Then you move a little up and down to spring yourself into the motion and finally jump. I did not get it with my first try, so I had to hop again. It is still okay, I thought as I prevented myself from looking at the others. Sometime later I finally got it and immediately the taste came in and out as I expectorated the thing. It was not necessary to carry it around, as clearly no one else was doing it. In any case, the last ordeal was to crawl under a bunch of ropes. This one was rather straight forward as you only could use your legs to push yourself. It would have been a lot easier if you could use hands, but I do not think it can be helped. At any rate, after being done with that, it was a good time to concentrate on sprinting to the end. This was the last contest here, who was the fastest. Since I was a little interested in how others were doing I quickly turned my head side to side, but something was amiss. 

I was running alone now, the crowd that was cheering for me was gone. The other girls who I was racing were nowhere to be found. Was I missing something, because it is not fun to be competing only against yourself. In any case my hands were still tied, so I had to undo the knot. Actually, I think I forgot about that this was supposed to be a relay race, but it did not matter now. The important thing was what I was to do next, because this whole affair with trying your best for nothing was quite tiring and lame. I started kicking the ground like a child who could not accept defeat. That was not really like me but somehow I would not stop. And after releasing the heat, I decided to go back home. I returned to the classroom for my bag and school uniform, which I simply dressed over my gym clothes. What happened later was that I left school and found myself on a road crossing. The light was red, showing a kid in a backpack standing. Since I was a child myself, at least pretending to be inside a dream, I accepted that term. I would have done it even as an adult of course, but there was something about this stop light that made me irritated. It simply could not change, I felt, no matter how many minutes I would wait. So instead I looked around for a close button that would switch the signalization for me. There was a pylon nearby but someone else already pressed it. Actually that person was someone I knew, just a little younger. I waved at her direction trying to get her attention by saying hello. But she was more interested into staring at the switch than having manners. I did not have the patience to wait, so instead I simply walked and pressed the button for myself. However, even with trying again a few times, nothing happened. I asked her if she knew what was wrong but she made little sense in her reply. Something about not being able to move on, to continue no matter how many times she tried. That would mean that the lighting was broken, I thought, and proposed that we could just pass on the red light since no one would see us. The other girl was happy to hear that she would be able to move from this location, but there was one other condition of her. My friend wanted to hold hands, probably because this way was how children use to do it with their parents. Would we be playing house, I was jesting, as I grabbed her. She smiled at me, so I returned with a smirk. And then she said that she is looking forward to it, even though I was not serious. Perhaps it was something fun to do together, but let's just focus on actually reaching home first. I was not fond of passing through the red lights in reality, but since in this dream there were no cars, I thought it was okay. So we both took a step and suddenly the light was green along with a familiar music inviting us both to pass. As we where half-way through I noticed that the other side was no longer a pavement, but a corridor with door at the end. It was our destination, I thought, as I could not get used to how dreams operate. Forgetting about whole holding hands with my friend, I reached for the handle and turned it. Inside was something I could not believe that I'm seeing. It was the reality of where I was right now, although that was or supposed to be a dream as well. In my confusion I forgot about something, and I'm blaming myself for that. It was the other girl with me, she was now behind me with her hands on my back. I don't know what did happened next, but most probably I was forced inside of the hospital room as I woke up.

My thoughts were racing towards the conciousness of my brain, all being in one big traffic jam. For the time being, and without confirming anything yet, the simplest solution would be to believe that dreams exists within a dream, and that a person can seemingly wake up inside one. This is what was written in the dairy.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is no escape, only deeper into the ocean.

There was a sensation gushing inside of an ailing container, more driving and dominative than any other impulse. It came unexpectedly, like a bolt of lighting that strikes down from somewhere above, a force of heavenly origin that humans must abide with. But truly the most simple calling has sometimes the strongest impel. I had no choice but to accept my desire to consume and release my senses in hope of finding something to devour. With my diminutive body, I engaged the command to move my lethargic muscles and scout my soundings. But despite my will not all of my body responded. It came to me that no longer was I in full control, that my legs could not move or my head could not turn. Firmly plastered onto the ground I struggled, but soon I accepted that only my upper limbs were available for manipulation. Even though my memory kept reminding me of something extremely important, the hunger was clouding any attempts at my ruminations. I was only left with one option, to crawl on my belly towards something, a distinctive aroma that just appeared in my nostrils. Little by little, the robust sensation filled the entirely of my attentiveness, as I pulled the weight of my numb and stiff lump of meat. The surface of the room made succulent and moist sounds, as if there was an unidentified liquid substance that I smeared as I slithered over it. Much like a mucus that remained from a snail, there was a trail laid down for me leading to a plater I only saw barely with my head in its vertical position. The contents of it emitted mouthwatering yet stomach-churning impressions, which still did not stop me from rising the lid. My convulsive hand just barely managed push the cover away, revealing to me what forthwith filled my teeth with crunching desire. The shape of an enormous fish that was cut in half was before me, penetrating my pupils with reflection from the lustrous and countless scales found on the treat. Without my consent and even before my saliva could fall onto the ground, the hands ripped the other body apart on their own. My savage extort uncovered what was hidden inside, the subtle pale meat eating maggots that were obviously there first. Before I could stomach what were my survival instincts doing, I reached my palm and shovelled the larva without even chewing. Serving after serving, I attempted to consume all that nutritious provisions, but soon they became aware of a predator. The insects knew no fear, and rushed towards my petite carcass without a warning. It was like a rush shower of glutinous and repulsing waste, I almost felt like I was unconsciously ejecting my insides out onto the floor. But soon after with my stomach holding again and the maggots leaving my presence, possibly hiding somewhere else in the room, my next move was obvious. I thrust myself closer to the giant fish dish and viciously hurled my fangs into the remaining meat. But something was not correct, different from what I would have expected. Normally the fish bones are quite small, they tend to hurt when not careful around then, but above all they are not as hard as I examined in that moment. That fossil certainty did not belong to a water based species, I realised, I was actually biting into a lower limb of a mammal and I knew now to whom they belonged. It was clear now that this liquid on the floor was blood, who collapsed on the floor and who prepared the meal for my soon to be starving self. But even so I was still continuously consuming that thing, with my intestines dangling on the outside. I must admit my taste was exceptionally delicious.

To question whenever a person is sane, first someone needs to provide a line of unaccepted deviations, and who ever passes it is dyed as a freak. However, considering the actions inside the dream, where there are no boundaries, there is no sin in doing whatever you want. I realised that every time when I woke up. This strange fabricated world that I always end up after going to bed is my new home, and whichever the old world provided was insufficient for my needs. My abilities that I trained and perfected allowed me to preform whatever I wanted inside of my dreams. Because I was not limited by time, if I ever got bored from doing something new I could always go back in my memories to do it differently, and that fact was fascinating. Because of how the peripheral satisfaction works it would be very unlikely to continue enjoying the same experience over and over. However, there was one important aspect of this space here. There is not a single thing that is the same, no matter how you look and focus, not even if you wanted close your eyes or turn, the next dream will always appear different than the previous one. This is the secret of my enjoyment here, though it can be pretty dull I admit. This is where a second of my feat shines useful, the capability of travelling between the worlds. It took me a long time to realise that I could move freely between the reality of the dream, and that way I could exist in multiple worlds at once. How was this possible was not understood by me, since only I knew how to use that ability to my advantage. It proven very entertaining lately, as I was able to spend much free time on trivialities of life. But somehow I think I messed up a little since my plan did not progressed as I wanted it to. Curious to know what did exactly occurred, I decided I would trace my memories in search for a answer.

I woke up on snagged beneath warm and cosy covers, as the light was tenderly opening my eyes to a new sunrise. I wanted to laze for a little while longer, but I felt it would be wasteful to do so. There was no other choice that to wake up, with all the flashes in my vulnerable half-awake eyes. I covered them with my hand in hope they will leave my space, but restlessly they kept on inviting me to give effort. I finally decided to yield to them, even though it was a little hard to do so. First, I had to use my strength to remove whatever was on my body and weight its mass onto the edge to get down. The procedure was quite simple, as I simply needed to put my gentle hands on the ground, while stretching my other limb, and pull myself towards the floor. With that my fishy tail flopped onto the pond making a splashing sound as it landed. It was a quite comfortable carpet on the floor, which was caressing my softly made nightgown. I took that sensation as a call for a outfit change, so I quickly crawled towards my drawer where I kept most of my clothes. I think it was a great continence that the closet was equipped with a device that allowed me to pick anything from what I was previously wearing. A huge selection of cute embodied dresses, even those from my early childhood were there too. But today I decided to pick something that would be a little nostalgic, as it would be fitted for the occasion. What would be the best, I was pondering while stroking my hand against my chin. In the end it was the classic, the outfit that I was really accustomed with, as it was a very important piece of attire in my mind. Pulled the bottom drawer towards me to take it out from the dresser. Every time I have done it, no matter what I wished for, it was always the item of my desire. Since it was slightly difficult to look with my midget height, I simply took the outfit from it without a second thought about what I taking out. Of course it was what I wanted, the wet suit that I wore at the aquarium. This was both my favourite and my sentimental piece, I was thinking as I examined it on the floor. It was still without a stain, even after all the times I used it, and was carrying a slight fragrance of salt water into my feathery senses. Instantly I surrendered my nightwear, pardoning it somewhere, and risen my hands for the stretching material gently fall onto my body. Sliding down like silk, it soon warped around my gentle figure, making it feel like I'm inside of a old memory. It was a little while ago that I meet someone inside the dream world, which only happened once. It was a certain friend who I usually like and keep company with. However, since some little complications arisen, we were unable to speak recently. I still await the day we both meet in reality, but for now what I should be doing was to find a way to bring her back. This is the reason for my presence here, hence I decided finally to leave my room, while wiggling my way towards the door.

I was once again outside in the scape without colour, but two. The so-called monochrome room, was a destination hub that lead to many different locations, all of which I had to work hard to unlock. Of course it was a little difficult, not knowing where to go and what to do, but in the end I figured out all the puzzles and became the master of this expanse. Just like with the chest of drawers, I could decide on where to go only using a slight portion of my brain. With this practically ordered information, to begin my dive I only had to take a step and I appeared where I wanted to go. However, this time walking was rather impossible, but something else was in stead of the usual pathway. A ink container full with black tar liquid was below me, waiting for my distinctive limb to prove itself once again. I lifted slightly my contorted body and in an effort of haste I jumped down with my head first, making the dive. The eyes forgot light and my body started to swim inside of the sea of conciousness. There was already a list in the back of my mind, so I was currently on the way towards my first stop.

There was a flash of light, invading my eyesight, and the door was opened. I arrived where I wanted, inside of the first memory I recalled. It was a very dark and unfortunately sad for my hopeless case. It was still when I was a very young, not knowledgeable about the world and therefore ignorant. Even if I thought I used to do a lot of childish things, I learned from them now and became a better person. However, compared to previous times, the cause of me being here was different. I wasn't here to sink into the sorrows but to fix a mistake I made, and in order to see what else could happen. During the school days, I usually sat quiet, doodled or wrote something. At that time I was a fragile little girl that had an objective in her mind, as the daily life was a little boring for me. I remember the uniform I had to wear was really cute, but one part was really annoying. There was a mandatory beret to wear outdoors, but not indoors. Even though it was not the most fashionable item for me, I still wanted to wear something on my head. There was a certain reason to it, which was the fact that my hair was not dark. It was different than most of my friends, as I became a outsider among the students, an irregular. It was difficult to converse with other girls, as their perky attitudes were irksome for my misinterpreted self. At first they started swarming me with questions about my lineage, about certain cultural differences between one country and the other. But as soon as the charm of the freshness mouldered, it was clear that their selfish playful desires were satisfied as they simply left my broken doll-like body alone. It was hard for me to start a conversation so I tried to fit in somehow, but as soon as I decided spew guffs about my interests, I was singled out. Perhaps it was the desire to be different and talk seriously about border subjects like occult, but it never came through the way I wanted myself to be heard. Even with this silent status besotted upon me, there was several other things that happened, one of which this memory is about.

There was a girl outside of the class, trying to search for a good place to eat her lunch. Since it was summer and the weather was nice, she decided that it would be okay to have this gentle wind embracing her, while having the meal her mother made. This was of course how she planned it, but fate had something else prepared for this day. Since it was a period in which students would have to learn how to swim, children were often seen around the pool, even if it was forbidden to do so. There was a possibility of an accident happening, therefore the doors were locked. However, nothing prevented anyone from climbing over the fence from the outside. Of course, the water control was secured, there was no way anyone would get unfortunately wet. However, before the girl could scent the aroma from the opened lunch box with food, she heard a sound resembling a splash of water. It did not caught her attention at first, but then something else was received. A particular deformed voice crept through her ears, terrifying her to a point she would almost drop what she was holding. But the girl was not afraid that much, her mind was more focused on the chopsticks. Because eating was more important for her, she decided that it could wait since possibly someone was just making a joke in a poor taste. Still, even if she tried to ignore it, her starving pecker was refusing to swallow the pieces of rice, as her hand was shaking in fright for an unknown reason. The girl rested her dinner onto the ground, and looked at herself a little worried. Her body was in a cold trance, shivering and trembling. It kept on refusing to answer her calls to cool it down. Abruptly, something made her stand up and walk into the direction of the voice, as she was about to find out the meaning behind it. The true reason why she could not control her actions was that her mind was in a state of deliberately wanting for something obscure to happen. Because she saw a similar situation in a dream, a desire was made, and inside the reality where the patterns were aligned, it had to happen exactly like she envisioned it. This process is was given a name, deja vu, and it is a rather incomprehensible one by science since it is directly related to the free will. And so, the girl's false curiosity has lead her towards the pool, as she clumsily climbed over the fence in search for the voice. However, looking around gave no results even from up close. She simply couldn't see a person resembling a mermaid, that was hidden and waiting for her to be caught. At that time I was sinisterly flapping my bottom part, because I already knew I would reel this fish in. The girl called for anyone to say a thing, so I did respond with a bubble that was seen inside of one of the drains. The girl spotted it timely, and with her petite body decided to carefully climb down into the pool. But that was her demise, as I was in reach and grabbed her by her susceptible ankle, instantly dragging her into the water. It was too shallow to drawn her, as my goal was not to murder here. I was simply playing an innocent game and soon released her from my firm grasp. The girl instantly jumped, as she was really frightened of what happened and escaped the scene. Soon, as her clothes were dipping wet, people gathered to ask what happened. She told them that she was lured and attacked by a ghost that wanted her lungs to engulf. But the truth is, she only wanted to think that way, that's why she lied. She made up her stories, like the one with the abandoned shrine, and changed what was inside her dream into reality, not only for herself but for others as well. After that she was left almost alone, only one person stayed with her. This was a friend that I wanted to embrace my own dreams with and dive deeper alongside with her. However, no matter the words or actions, she never accepted them as something important for me. I always waited for her to respond to my calling, but unfortunately to make her understand I had to do something more forward. Just thinking about this caused my tears to fall in grief. And in an act of swallowing them, I emerged from my hiding spot to rip that other girl apart, which signified the end of this part of the dream.

As I caught my breath with my subtle larynx, the next memory I wanted to visit came into my recently cracked senses. I saw a girl inside a familiar of a room, fastened on a sturdy and rough hospital bed. It is where I realised something important, of who I was and what I was capable of. With the nightmares ruining my poor soul over and over, my fractured senses had enough of the therapy. One part of me wished that death would be available in the dream world, but another, more wicked surfaced. I was once again looking at the events being unveiled. It all started due the meaningless security measures that released the girl, so she could be one with the floor again. The bed threw her down without a notice, as her rugged lump of meat for flesh shed from her resting place. She felt like melting into liquid in order to have some sort of freedom, but it was not this easy. The doctor came in through the door and looked at her as if she appeared to ignore her with unsettling eyes. It was a little strange that the girl on the floor could still see her, while having her stiff face to the ground. The psychologist paid no mind to the sick person's current situation and took her usual resting place on the chair. They were both silent all this time, although the sitting one could still hear her dampened voice. The girl could not keep secrets from her, or had any privacy in this total institution she was staying. Therefore she simply decided that she would cease all movement and enjoy a bothersome presence of that person. The quirk's questions and monologues were always the same, always the same monotone voice and dull requests. To explain the situation the girl was in, she had a unknown disease called DRD, Dream Reality Disorder, that caused to take the dream for reality and vice versa. This boundary is important for a healthy mind, because the lack of it causes the patient to lose sense of conciousness and become lifeless, as if their soul was extinguished. The girl right beside me was in risk of becoming like that, if she did not realise which of the worlds are which. But there was something wrong about her still. She knew how serious her condition is, but she decided to forbid changing the thing that kept her from making a full recovery. This part of the memory was when the doctor said something revitalizing to the girl. For the first time in a while, her cracking neck turned in a mechanic motion towards the gentle voice of the psychologist. What was heard in the air was that the patient abnormal condition was to be put into a test for a new kind of drug, that would allow her to travel into the world she wanted. What that meant was to become clear in a moment, when the door was opened again. Suddenly the wind swallowed the worm-like corpse and placed her on top of a stool in another place. Now the girl was looking directly at my face through a mirror. Even if she was noticing me, and I did noted her, her pale face and expression was in a dead-like gray colour. There was nothing besides us two, but a brush that was soon taken away by someone. Because I was in possession of something I wanted to give her, I reached my hands through the screen and placed something on her lap. It was a ugly caricature of a person I wanted to leave behind, so this was the only way I could have done it. With eyes in the deep ocean blue, I watched as the other figure submerged into her conciseness. And even if this how the scene ended, there was still more.

Now I returned back to the room where the dream started. I was still equipped with my lovable pinkish slinky wetsuit that cloistered me for this long. Perhaps it was strange for someone to have emotions for costumes, but this one was strangely the one I loved the most, along with my mermaid's tail. Just the smell of it filled my deficient soul with exhilaration. I remember how it caused my mind to become in such a state, that allowed myself to freely swim between my conscious and unconscious self. Just being warped around it gives me the sensation that allows me to express myself in ways I could not before. Still, it feels extremely intimate and close to my heart, any occasion is good to wear it. While I was reminiscing about it, my hands, unaware of me, enveloped my second skin in an amiable self-embracing manner, which made me wonder about someone who was a source of a similar warm sensation. There was a certain thing that allowed me to see that person in my room, a strange ornamented mirror that was engraved on the floor. It was a wonder how it exactly worked, but I could always count on seeing something interesting each time. For example, the last episode I saw was the situation when I avoided picking the after product of the cows. Though it was also a little strange to be watching your other petty self in a different location with her insignificant life. However, it was rather convenient that the channel was open in our minds and we could communicate, though it was rather that I could tell her what to do. The transmission was only one-way, although I think she simply did not want to reply to any of my words. In any case, I wanted to see something new like a recent memory, hence why I quickly took myself towards the television while excitedly flapping my tail. But something was wrong with the screen as it only showed a static image. I angrily splashed it a couple of times with my lower limb, but there was no response. Bored of trying, there was always a better place to spend my precious time than on trivial affairs. I decided to check my own inventory, out of curiosity, because I still had to write something in my dream dairy from this day. It took a moment for me to snail myself there, since I was rather fond of playing around like that, while not being in an unnecessary hurry. I started to flip through the chest, which kept all my toys or what not, and discovered something surprising. There was a new item I noticed that was in my collection now. I was not really fretting how it got there because it was not interesting for me to know the origin behind it. But now what was inside my scale-shaded eyes was the strange pair of callipers. They were a little too sharp, I found out by poking my curious finger that led out a drip of red honey-like blood. That little pain was quenched with a mushy lick from my mouth. It was really sweet when I tasted it by the tongue, but the savour of the mystery was more enthralling for me. I took the object by the dipping hand, this time being careful to grab from the right side. Unfortunately my new play-thing was not as compelling as I first thought, but perhaps it would have its uses outside, since it was sharp after all. The only thing left for me to do was to write what happened today in the dairy and wake up. I remember that during my therapy the doctor used to write it for me, but since I was not longer a patient, it was a lot more fun scribbling it yourself. After I was done, it was the time for me to return to reality.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If there is mercy, it's not here.

To realise the difference between being awake and sleeping, you must pass the through one into the other. However, there is also a facet that makes the division possible from within a trance. If you subjectivity realise that you are communicating only with yourself, surely you would discern the disparity. The dream is one of the worlds where you can only hear your own voice, and if that rule would be broken, people would no longer posses individual subconsciousness. Renko awoken abruptly to her senses, with a gasp of air that was little bit perturbed. Realising that she is still alive, she decided to open her eyes to observe her current situation. But it was too hard with all the nightmares swarming in her mind. First, she had to answer whichever she was still asleep or not, since it was not clear whenever this was a situation where she was simply dreaming about awakening. The part which was believing that this is indeed reality was in a danger of taking over the girl's mind. If that happened it would be over for her, as the therapy would yield its forbidden fruit successful. However, Renko knew about that if she loses that barrier as well, she would never reach her goal. In response to that tiny thread of thought, she opened her disquieting eyeballs in order to find a way to fulfil her wish. As visions reached her, the girl appeared to be still fasten to a hospital bed, in a modestly furnished room. In order to escape she would have to undo the bindings and open the door to the exit. But what came first was to actually being able to move her limbs at all. Her body appeared to be stiff, as she tried reaching them with her nerves. Perhaps it was the strange straitjacket, that was design to prevent patient's mobility, which forbade her muscles in order to strengthen the mind. However, for Renko the explanation was that she was simply paralysed on a bed, in a similar way she had experienced it during previous times within a dream. There was little for her to do, other than cloud her mind with deadly, poisonous and razor sharp shards of thoughts that would surely mutilate her brain from the inside. Believing only in what she was now, and not taking in consideration the past events, the girl laid almost lifeless until something would happen.

Suddenly the shutter of the door was opened and piqued the interest of the brown pupils. There was a strange deformed face seen through the haze in the air. However, as something else appeared in the atmosphere that mist changed into something which could be perceived as a human being. Because it was something Renko recalled seeing in reality, it also became a symbol that was recognized as soon as it appeared. Still, there was something strange about it, as the sense was too genuine. The mind of the girl became awake and absorbed into the new environment with a little worried expression on her face. She soon called for the figure to identify herself, although that was just a formality, as she already knew her name. The other girl looked curiously at the one on the bed, as she eyes where examining her carefully.　There was something inhuman about them, as they reflected light in a emerald shade. With an unsettling smile and silent cradling voice, the patient's plead was answered as she heard her own name in return. This has to be my dearest friend, Renko realised, as a beam on her face appeared. This temporary state of joy from the reunion was soon to change into something more depressing. She kept repeating the same word, the name of her partner, over and over until the girl behind the shutter said to stop. The girl complied, and suggested that what they should do first was to release her from those binding, and then they both could escape this place. This prospect of finally awakening was cut short by what did the patient heard next. It is in her own power to undo the constrains, but first she must face the truth in order to gain freedom. What could that meant, the girl asked herself, but the logical explanation was to awake from the dream and return to reality. Therefore, Renko apologized that it is unlikely for her to stay here for a long time, and the two to have fun inside of this space. But this was not the only case the other girl had to assert, as her lips were being bitten in a sign of malicious intent.　The person that looked like a friend of the ill girl started to explain her idea, as it was quite complicated to understand. Her friend asked first if Renko remembered the time when they first meet inside of a reality like this one, in a similar room. Not waiting for a reply she continued. The time when we were with a third person, that moment was perceived by us all in equality, from the same perspective. Therefore, because there was more than one point of view, it is safe to say objectively that their correlation proven that it was reality. In the end, the figure continued, I was the one that brought you again into this strange place, as it became impossible with the channel we used the first time. Perhaps if you would had followed my wish, we could have enjoyed this reality more than now. For now, I shall change you from within, that you will understand how I feel. With that proclamation, there was no longer a face on the screen. However, the broadcast was understood and acknowledged by the girl who remained in the room. Renko was left alone, dumbfounded, without speaking a word. There was not enough space for any ideas to escape her shocked with thunder clouds mind. Only crimsons tears in her dampened eyes were collapsing from her spiritless face down to the deep blue expanse on the soil.

The girl was securely positioned on a hospital bed, soon to be pardoned onto the ground. There was silence in the room she was in, at least no one was able to hear anything. It is quite strange that tranquillity begins with a word, as it start lies in the opposite state, chaos. This was how one could describe the current status of Renko, being left alone for herself to become eaten by her own thoughts. Her body already left living state, without a signal of response. It was shovelled down without any etiquette, as it spew itself down the drain like a liquid. At this time someone entered through the door, the so called psychologist girl everyone knew. She asserted a verbal desire to know whatever the patient was feeling, but received no response, both physically and psychically. However, this was just another case of the same problem she was encountering, so she reacted accordingly to the experience. Simply not talking was her choice, as it was no longer needed for a patient in this severe state. The doctor simply taken out her instruments and prepared for the operation. It was clear sign for the lying on the floor Renko that if she would take no action, she would have to suffer another session of the nightmare therapy. Therefore, in a similar matter as a Pavlov's dog, the girl beckoned the other person to stop, as she promised that she will talk instead. The surprised medical practician appeared to temporally accepted the terms, and perched herself onto the mushy arch-chair. Perhaps she was looking for a little entertainment, as listening to patients was not the standard procedure. The girl started rationalizing how she was in a dream after all, because she already experienced many situations where she did in fact died. Ergo, there was no reason to believe that this is reality. Even though the statement sounded serious, it was easily countered with the logic piercing through the already full of holes mind. It was a gentle voice, similar to one that would cradle a child to sleep, that announced something the girl did not want to hear or to believe in. In a attempt of a backlash against that action, Renko shouted that she wants to leave this place and never come back. And even though tears were following in sorrow, washing the old dried up ones, the doctor had a reason to voice her own thoughts. Since the patient before her, she explained, was not a usual case, there was a requirement of a more rigorous treatment. But it seemed that it is progressing well, she added after a brief silence. The girl started to think what would she have to do in order to release herself from this torment of words, but her soul did not find rest yet. During that second, the other person came close and spoke in a menacing whisper directly through the soaking up ears of the girl. What could be heard appeared to be a ultimatum saying that if Renko wills to leave this place, she shall be free to do so. However, just like other patients who lost their minds, she can only attain freedom when she passed successfully through the therapy. Of course, the girl knew the significance of this notion, as she closed her senses from any more crushing invasions. Only a bright red light was seen in the darkness.

This was the only place I could still call a sanctuary. Not my seemingly realistic and yet strange dream, not the side of my friend. Everything was against me, trying to swallow me a whole. They all wanted me to admit something, to break me apart and to chew the pieces. If this is how hell felt like, I wanted to get out, despite of not knowing why and for what cause I was here for. However, in a case if I would accept, forget about my whole life and live on as a deceased soul, perhaps that was the right choice to pick. I ironically asked myself, while laughing into a paranoia. All those punishments, the crushing words my friend spoke, the hopelessness without power, the torment amongst the dead and while being burned alive. But then again, it was true that I did not end up as a fuel, would this be a clue for something, I wondered aimlessly. As longest I'm not inside a nightmare, my threads should soften up, as they were about to rip. The least I could do was to enjoy this pathetic imitation of a healing dream, the only string that was left which connected my body to my soul.

I awaken in the strange place again, the same as the last one. I was still in this childish body of mine, and even if it invigorated me with euphoria, all that I wanted to do was to cry in the corner. I did not desire to go to school, neither to do anything today. Just alone, sobbing on the ground with my hands over my knees, cradling slightly. There was this emotion of rejection that I had to surface, but did not know how, therefore I choose the most selfish one. It was clear that the girl over there, who was me, wanted at least two things which were in conflict with each other. To gain both she would had to split herself into two, however in a dream that was possible. There was a mirror that I used to look at, as in my parents thought that, even though I did not use it often. In this distorted space however, it felt a little ominous, just this one time. I decided that it would not hurt to look, although it was quite mortifying to see your own face in tears. Still, because I was alone, clearly in a private room of mine, maybe it is not as embarrassing as I thought. Reluctantly, I took a peak to see what was that interesting about it, and saw a reflection of a girl. However, the unusual thing was that it was not me, as in the girl I saw was not crying. Instead, she wore a face full of smile and joy beaming at me as strongly that I immediately stopped whimpering. She reached her hands towards me, like a mother embracing her own crying baby, and I was the one in need of a soother. I had no other choice but to accept this kind caress, and returned it with my own cuddle. I wept in silence for a minute like that, on her shoulder, not waiting to for the feeling to cease. But somehow that made me stop crying altogether, as I whipped the tears off my face. Now I could see again, and spotted that the other girl was no longer here, as in not on the other side. It was strange that I could touch her through the mirror, even more than the instance that she vanished behind the silver fog. Though I was still glad she did visit me, which was kind of her and strange, I thought. What I would do next then, I pondered realising something in my hands. The cosy feeling of my recent action left me with something fluffy that was in my possession now. It was a plush of someone I knew, and because of that reason it felt close to my heart, as I somehow was still hugging it. I suddenly awoke from the confusion I was experiencing, because it was time for school. Somehow I forgot that I was still a student at an institution, and had classes that I needed to attend. In haste I prepared everything I required and washed my face. Of course I made myself sure that will not forget to bring the doll with me. Somehow, I could not force myself to abandon it, I was simply too attached to her. Before leaving I checked everything again, even my shoes, and bolted out of the door in hope that I would not be late again.

Outside there was a familiar space, the one that made no sense whatsoever. It supposed to resemble a pathway to my destination, but this time it was a black and white crossing between one side of the street and the other. The lights were all monotone, so no clues there. To pass I had to take my chances and simply jump over, before a car would come to splat me all over the road. I took a running start, and flew over the dangerous zone without touching it. That filled me with rejoicing emotion that made me jump in joy for a while, before returning my journey. In any case, a little embarrassed and depleted of air, I once again arrived before the gate was closed. But this time there was something different about the school. It was a nice breeze outside, that reached my student uniform briefly, but also a little lonely. There was no one in vicinity, as leaves were gently caressing my face, but instead there was someone in the far distance that I could hear with the edge of my ears. It sounded as if someone was weeping, which was something that I was doing just this morning. I felt like, for the sake of empathy and to calm my own feeling, I needed to resolve that student's issue myself. With the bag fasten and my hands on the straps, I took for the source of the strange cry. Suddenly, I found myself looking at a crowd of people gathering around someone. I rose my head in order to see better, but of course in this childish body of mine I was not able to do anything, I angrily assessed. Perhaps if I crouched I could at least catch a glimpse of something between the legs of the people, but that did not work either. So in the end I was behind someone and listening to what was going on. It appeared that the girl in the center, at least she sounded like one, was talking about how a ghost pulled her into a whirlpool and almost drowned her. Just what exactly was she saying, I wondered, since the things she said were quite funny. I decided that I would stay there for a while to listen, but soon the rest of the people left unexpectedly. Perhaps now, that I was left alone with her, I could ask what did actually happened, but the girl in question was rather occupied with her own sobs. If I was to converse with success I had to first do something to cure this gloomy ailment. I recalled the morning today, and realised that I was in possession of an item. I quickly dropped my knapsack onto the ground and opened it, reaching for the object I wanted to pull out. It was this strange, yet familiar plushie that I received as a present from a certain person. Now that I think, I forgot about who was that fellow altogether, but it was someone close, I think. I shook my head to avoid further confusion from deliberating on that topic and simply shoved the doll into the crying girl's hands, with saying that it was a present for her. At that time, she looked back at me with a confused expression and silently thanked me for the gift. Even though she did not stop crying right away, I could see a smile between her tears. I smirked at her back, saying everything is going to be okay, that she could stop now. And I think the cheer took effect. In moments she stood up, thanking me again with her bowing body. Although it was a little clumsy looking, I prevented myself from guffawing. I decided that this was a good time to ask and let her explain everything, but just at that moment I noticed something about her clothes. They here wet, like someone on purpose had her shower under a tap. Was this a case of bulling or something, I asked the girl curiously, because I felt like that kind of jokes are wrong. But she did declared that it was something completely different. It was a ghost that was waiting for her at the pool that dyed her clothes this way. They were certainty dipping water and perhaps she felt uncomfortable in them, I observed. However, I could not really offer a change, because all I had was my own uniform. The least I could do was to wipe her tears using my sleeve. I told her not to worry about them now and asked if she would want to show me the place where that happened. She nodded, with her tiny head, and pointed at the direction. There was nothing stopping us, I went along with her to that place, after not forgetting about my bag of course.

We were both at the pool, which some people were checking for malfunctions. For a school it supposed to be quite secure, but apparently it was not, since an evidence of that was right beside me. We decided to wait until they will finish and check it out for ourselves. That really took some time, but at least I was skipping class, so it was worth it in the end. To this day, I have no idea how much I did forget past all those years, and if was it really necessary to spend that much time in an institution, I was deliberating half-serious. Finally, the adults left the scene and it was our time to fiddle with the equipment. I wanted first to recreate what happened so I asked my friend about the full story. What I learned was that first, she heard something splashing and then screaming that came from the pool, like if someone was drowning. Next, as she arrived and climbed over the fence, there was a bubbling sound coming from the pool so she jumped down there. After a second, something emerged from the sink and grabbed through the grate, forcing her leg into the water all the way to the pelvis. Luckily, she managed to escape on her own, even that her leg hurt, but was not detached luckily. This was a pretty interesting story, I thought, but it would not matter if the ghost existed or not. However, since I felt a strange obligation towards the girl I told her that I believed her and she should not have worried that much. But she was a little dubious that someone like a stranger was that quickly to see her part of the story as true. Therefore we both decided that it would the best if we could catch the ghost together. Before we jumped both down, it was her smart that she took off her socks and shoes before going in, probably because they were still wet, so I decided to replicate the idea and became barefooted. Although as we carefully examined every inch of the pool, there was nothing there. Perhaps it was just a malformation then, I suggested, since surely if the spirit was still there we would have been able to find it. But the girl angrily protested that it is still here as she can sense it. Of course I could not argue with her hunches, but it was a little underwhelming that only she would be able to see it. I must say that I was a little envy, as if it was some sort of mysterious ability, exclusive only for her. I always wanted a power like that, even though it is not possible in reality, it is a nice thing to dream every once in a while. In any case, after checking everything three times, I wanted to express that it is useless and we are both wasting our time. But she did not give up just yet, and that made me a little agitated that she still wanted to prove her point here. Because this already became futile a long time ago, I decided to make a childish-like bet with my friend. If she would find it and show me, I would believe her, and maybe do any one thing for her. Although I couldn't finish what would be my prize, she agreed. That left me out of the pool to observe her from afar, while dressing my knee-high socks back on. I admit that I was a little sad for her working her petite body alone like that, but I was more absorbed into the challenge she was in now. Suddenly, she said she found that what she was looking for, which presumably was the ghost, I thought. I took a closer gaze at the exact place she was pointing at, and it was a simple drain that was secured from objects getting stuck into it. That was what I told the girl I was seeing, but she spoke that it did not look in the same way for her. Instead, there were gentle bubbles disgorging out of the hole. I took my head over it and focused really deeply at the spot, both with my eyes and ears. Nothing happened at first, but as I was to look away, something did.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even if you try to fight, there is always a larger predator behind.

Suddenly, despite all logic seen in reality, from a dry pool a person emerged near the water around the grate. I instantly jumped away and fallen flat on my bottom and all four libs. I did not caught even a glimpse of what exactly happened, but I felt it was okay to look, even if I was still too scared to stand up. Instead I climbed by head very slowly to assert the situation, still not moving from the ground, watching through a gap between my spread legs in an awkward position. Besides my friend there was another figure of a woman that was swimming around her in circles. Even though there was very little water, it was still possible for her. And this was not the only strange thing, because the little girl were just standing there without a nudge, getting splashed by the sea all over her face and uniform. I felt the need to react, but my conciousness couldn't force a response, although it would be convenient if I was able to move from this shameful position which resembled someone giving birth. My eyes stuck in a ring-like motion, following the strange creature that played around with the poor student. Her shape reminded me combination of fish and human. Her lower limb was a green scaled tail of a sea mammal, and her top was wearing a skin-tight rubber-like material that was salmon pink shaded. Her hair was resembling a living honey-pigmented moss substance that reached below her chest. Lastly, her face seemed to expose that her current mood was pretty molly, as her eyes danced with emerald light. In the contrast to that, my friend was still motionless and appeared as if she did not even noticed her. I tried to warn her that there is a creature right beside her, verbally stretching my larynx. But it did not have an effect on the small girl unfortunately, which made me really flustered as I took action. I regained a partial motion ability, and approached the scene on my legs and hands, like a infant learning to walk. I wish I could have just stood and walked normally, because it would a less awkward way to move, but it was impossible. For a reason unknown to me, this was the only prudent way for me to get close, which was still causing my body to shiver. I stopped at the very edge of the pool, returning the gaze that my friend was giving me. My pupils were reflecting both of the creatures there. A second after when I reached that position, the mermaid monster stopped moving and positioned herself behind the school pupil, while scrutinizing me very closely with examining every action I did. I was frozen in a cold gaze that muffled my pulse to a chilled stop, all the way from my toes to the top of my head. I was paralysed with a terrifying spell, and could not even think about what was going to happen next. What caught my attention at that time was that the girl started smiling at me, as she knew that something has happened to my body. I started hearing a voice in my ears, and realised that she announced herself a victor in my childish bet I almost forgot about. The truth now was that she showed me the ghost, if you could call that thing such, and I was the one that lost. Strangely, this posture I assumed was quite fitting for the prostrating sensation that was the result of her declaration. I awaited for her judgement, but all she did was to reach out her hand towards me. It was holding something, a piece of paper perhaps, sealed in a envelope. I understood that my friend wanted me to read it, so I pondered about how to undone the caulk. But there was something that could be used for this operation, I realised, as I finally took the message from my friend's hand. I went back, this time on my legs only, towards my bag to take out an item I picked up before. It was a pair of callipers, which had just the right sharpness to do the trick. I flicked it through the letter and it opened without resistance, eagerly taking the handwriting out from the contained to read it out loud. After studying it, I understood the merit of the notion, but did not agreed with it, which made someone else take action behind my awareness.

There was a loud agitated splash heard from inside of the pool, so I turned my head as fast as I could. Even without the water washing my face, I was out of the confusion and could observe the situation clearly. The mermaid had her tensile fingers sheathed around the young girl petite clothes in a dominating fashion. Even though it looked like the face of my friend was a little repulsed, there was a faith expression on her lips that accounted for gratification. This image in my mind stroke my ingenuity to produce disturbing and off-putting visions. I yelled at the creature to leave her alone, but neither of the characters there had noticed or reacted to it. I had to do something or the girl is going to be squeezed to death, I thought, as I rushed towards the scene with the contents of the letter still in my hand. It was a bet I could not just leave behind, but also could not accept the idea it was written for either. I looked at it again and again, not knowing what to do, without a plan how to resole the issue at hand. Meanwhile, the fish creature guided her head on the top of the child. Her overgrown hair were even further covering her clothes, erasing them from their colour. It was almost like this creature was taking control of my friend, at least that is what my feeling told me. This relation, where one of the person is exercising ascendancy over the other one who can't and won't fight back is something I did not agree with. However, because clearly my verbal assault continued to be unsuccessful, I had to change tactics to a more frontal and up-close combat. I clenched my hands, and with the timidly wobbling legs, I jumped down into the lair of the monster. I found myself again in the pool, with the ghost in front of me and my friend below her. There was a splash when I landed, and before I noticed it, I was soaking with only my head above the water. It was cold and mushy, as if the ground of my feet was filled with moss underwater. The greenery fondled my legs all the way up to my thighs, with awkward yet succulent sensation that caused me to feel icky. And yet I was accepting this strange treatment, because there was no time for being picky. The most important was not my own integrity, but my friend's. I moved against the liquid and plants, reaching the captured girl, and pulled as best I could. But it seemed to be not enough, not sufficient to release her from the bind of the mermaid. I started hitting the creature with my fists and legs so she would give up, but my strength was used in vain. I become enormously furious and shouted, while trying to shake of the kidnapper off my the girl. Nothing was going the way I wanted it, no effort was enough to even to give birth to a small change. It was simply as both of them were glued together as one, they were an inseparable single being. Because it was worthless to keep trying, I thought, I felt a substantial increase in how desperate I became. But there was nothing I could do, I kept repeating to my self, as droplets suddenly appeared on my face, creating ripples on the surface. My legs gave up their endeavour and my body fell down to the knees. I was submerged entirely now, and even though it was strange, there was no need for me to hold breath. Abruptly something started to pat me on the top of my head. I was not sure if it was a hand in the front or behind me, but my vision became sunny with the warm glare of someone I knew. Then, there was a voice that reached me through the deep. My dearest friend, someone that I could share anything with, uttered a message that I would consider the most disturbing I ever heard. I opened my senses in disbelief, and saw the clear image of the young girl smiling towards me. There was nothing between us, even though I could not move or speak. In her hands there were ripped pieces of paper that she scattered, as they flew along the wind. With tears of strange tone, her mouth whispered the same words I just heard. Subsequently, her arms appeared to whipped them, but only after the moment she took them away I saw what happened. There were no longer eyeballs in her sockets, instead they were now preciously kept at her fingertips. Even though I wanted to vomit, I was too shocked to preform any movement, while the events unfolded even further.

When Renko came to her senses again, after closing her vision, she saw herself inside on a pool, along with two other entities. One was a girl with hollow bleeding eye sockets, which was lying on the ground like a lifeless doll. The other one was a woman with a lower limb resembling a fish, that stayed on top of the student. Her lips were close to the pupil's cheeks, with her hands still around the body of the puppet. Renko was observing this situation from up close, and if she wished, she could have reached her hand and slap the poor behaviour. However, she choose not to, or it would be more fitting to say that she was unable due to her mind's condition. Even though she wanted to help the poor girl who was on the floor, there was something about her look that was a clear give away of her condition. She was dead, with her eyes gouged out, that were currently resting on her hands. The blood was pouring out from lifeless shell, sinking down into the drain. But even in this morbid image, the mermaid continued to be the only one embracing the husk, at her one and only dearest friend. Not even Renko could force herself to touch her, not after what she has done with herself and the letter. It was both a feeling of a failure and being left alone, but since it was her partner's wish, she had to comply, unable to change the reality from within the dream. However, this was not the end of her torment. The little girl Renko persisted in her state, while keeling on the ground, and started to shed liquid of her own. It was not the sorrow of losing a precious one, but what she realised that made her wail. With her hands deep in her face, a sob came one after another, without a touch it would ever end. However, at that point of time, something could have been felt on the girl's wrists. It was a dose of something rubber, that gently stroked the hair of her feminine skin. Of course that was the mermaid, as Renko could knew without even looking. Her hands were forcibly pulled from her face, and onto the body of the creature in a way that was inviting. The fish-like person wanted to become embraced, but for the weeping girl it did not matter what is going to happen to her top limbs. On instinct, both girls warped around each other in a clinching knot. There was a brief silence between them, expect for the crying, and soon one of them spoke. The voice called the name of the girl, which was replied with a quiet whimper. Soon Renko quieted down, as her partner mopped the water from her rough and tired face. Then the mermaid spoke again, that her friend does not need to worry, that it was okay to accept this affinity between us. The recipient only sobbed a little, and kept her eyes deep into her subject's shoulder. Due the silence of the saddened girl, who did not reply, her partner continued. There will be no pain or suffering, she promised, you only need to call my name. But Renko could not. It would not only destroy her but her dearest as well. This was a situation for her that she would be able to change, but not in this state of mind, not here. It seemed that the monster was able read her thoughts, as she released herself from the clasp and backed a little, crawling on her deformed body. She had one more wish she wanted to express, which she already did in another time. As the kneeling down girl lifelessly observed the dance that the fish woman was preforming, her doll-like expression was without a change, because she already knew the words that she was about to hear. Either way, her partner decided to utter them, announcing what is her name and that she swam here in order for this dream to become reality for both of them.

No matter how anyone would try to delve deep into the dream, there is not power or possibility for them surface outside the ocean. However, it is possible to change those wishes within reality, with great effort and tears. This is what one of the girls understood, and what the other was denying. In the end, it maybe possible for both of them to be right, in a strange world of subconsciousness. But the subjective truth was different. Against what appeared to be a nightmare, and the chaos of her crying mind, Renko stood from her pitiful position to once again change the flow of the water. Perhaps you already fallen too deep into the ocean, she stated, because you could not understand the reason of your friend's action. That pitched the attention of the mermaid, who stopped friskily swimming around. This one and the other one, the voice continued to produce words while the hands of the girl pointed at both, the fish woman and the dead body on the ground. Those are the subjects that make for the entirety of Marry, Renko said while clasping her hands together. This was the fact she could discreet from being within a dream, as it is impossible to realise whenever your free will is at work. If her monster side is in control or the doll one, is something that no one can determine. Perhaps if someone would forget about that unknown actuality, and their current worries, they would simply live their life the way they would enjoy best, joyfully and without looking at the future in a gloomy way. Such place existed and it was discovered by someone, however that person did not realise it was a trap, a net in a sea of unconsciousness. The deeper you sink, the more it takes control of you, and soon you become a lifeless doll. With this realised by the girls, there were only two actors left at the scene. Renko, who was looking at a certain place on the sky, searching for the moon that would show her the way to her home. And Marry, who was still on the ground, gazing at the drain that had some of her hair stuck in. She was too fragile and weak to stand up, so instead she pulled her body up and crawled away from the scene, leaving mysteriously with a trace. Suddenly, before the girl that was admiring the earth's satellite could react, there was a hand on her chest, reaching from a direction she could not perceive. It was worming its way towards the space between the buttons on her shirt, and down on her breast, finally reaching the spot where her heart supposed be. It was a silent yet warm pitch, that made Renko squeak a little. Soon a figure of a human appeared behind her, as it recently emerged from the shadow that the moon was casting. The second arm, delicately traced her neck up to her chin and then into the girl's mouth, filling her with a sweet taste of honey inside. Still not aware what is happening, the gaze was directed towards somewhere unreachable in reality. But such things were always possible in the dreams, and this is what the girl was thinking now. Meanwhile, the darkness gradually warped the legs pondering girl's thighs, squeezing them slightly in a restraining way. Due to that influence, Renko was becoming unable to feel with her body, her voice could not reach the outside, and her limbs lingered motionless. It was a feeling that resembled her laying on top of something and sinking deep into her thoughts. Frankly, she did not know why she would yield to the pressure of that ocean. Even though she did register and completed her goal here, it did not quench her sanity. Without knowing who was behind her in the end, she opened her eyes trying to awake from the dream.

There was a brief silence in the instruments that monitored what was happening in the patient's mind. This signified the end of a therapy, for both of the participants. The therapist girl looked at the results, which where promising, but noticed a little discrepancy that happened. That left her a little worried, but nevertheless, it was not the first time she has analysed that kind of a problem occurring. However, in this case it was something she could not prevent, as she did not have the ability to control that phenomenon. With her eyes carefully scrolling through the book, her patient awoken from her slumber to what appeared a different world than her own. Many times before she forbid herself from seeing the truth, with her own theories and deliberations. However, this time when she opened her eyes, she finally awoke into the world of where she was now. All the pieces were in place, she admitted, and it made perfect sense, even if it went against everything rational. This was indeed a different physical space then the one she was used to, back on earth. Renko ejected her bare feet from the horizontal position and sat down on the bed, taking a fresh breath of spoiled air into her nostrils. Her heart reacted to the oxygen and started beating, as her head started wondering what would happened next. There was nothing else to do in this world for her, but she also remembered that it is impossible for anyone to leave this place. Not even if they wanted to, no matter how strong was her wish. Surely, if she could still remember how she got here in the first place, but this was already too far to reach in her mind. Renko decided, with all her experiences considered, that not fighting against this fact would be more beneficial her. And this was the result of the therapy, as the doctor was smiling at her patient, who was looking rather jolly for a change. However, it was just a beginning for her, there were more sessions planned as the goal was not yet met. Just what was that she wanted for me to reach, the girl in a hospital gown asked. With a sinister grin on her face, the psychologist girl explained. It was because she only realised the difference in between a subconscious and conscious part of her mind, while not being fully aware of her hidden desires. Undoubtedly, the person who knew the most about yourself is you and only you. This logic was faulted, because it only considered the perception of your awake state, not the one who was lurking deep inside, out of sight. Still, in this reality, there was a way to reach it, and the one who partitioned such medicine was no one other than the doctor that both of the girls knew about. It was not strange that she was accepting to help the souls of those poor travellers, as they agreed that they needed help. Both of the individuals returned to conciousness after this deliberation, although a little dazed. Renko still did not knew how her subconsciousness operated and how exactly it accounted for her wish to participate in the therapy. However, she was worried about something else, hence why she voiced her thoughts for them to reach the other person. Although they were understood, she did not received a concrete answer. In stead of it, there was a statement that she already heard, followed by a more disturbing announcement. It was time to employ a deeper connection between the patient and the doctor, because of the recent methods encountered some problems. This was a method that allowed for the transmission to be much clearer and understood by the ill girl. Disturbingly, it was something the psychologist girl wanted to happen, despite it being not in the protocol. With a simple flip of switch Renko, who was not aware of being tricked, became hypnotized. However, she did not appear to resist the injection, because it was something that she wanted to perform herself.

Usually the patients arrived already with the wish of staying here, but this one was a irregular, unlike her friend who came here a long time ago. The sanatorium rule was to always ask subjects for their permission, no matter the case, as their wish determined the stay. In this particular case, the convalescent was not aware about coming here for this purpose, and this was a problem. What was needed to be done first was to make her realise in which reality she was currently in, as she could not engage in therapy without knowing that. This place they both were currently in was the subconsciousness world of Renko, who was sitting on a chair next to table. There were two cups filled with warm liquid, one close to her and the other on the opposite side. The host of this tea party, resting in front of the girl, was the her therapist with one leg crossed over the other. She was curiously awaiting for her guest to wake up and realise what place she is in. The sleepy one eventually came to senses, as her vision filled with the aroma both of the person who called her here and the freshly brewed refreshments. Was this a scent of rose, Renko wondered in vain, and showed her manners as she thanked for the welcome. Because she was feeling an emptiness in her throat, her hand reached for the ear of the porcelain, absorbed with looking inside of it. It wasn't clear how it was made or what was floating there, so she decided that the other person should taste it first, as it would be a little rude not to ask her to join. But the doctor was already lips in, sipping the tea without her consent, as she desired a stimulation before speaking. I was wondering why would anyone come here when I first opened this clinic, the girl started to reminiscence. Can you see the bottom of this cup, she asked the visitor not expecting an answer and continued. This next statement was to turn the girl over in her comfortable chair, even though she was already pretty deeply pushed into it. Perhaps it would be safe to say that people escape deeper, because their life was already empty. There is simply nothing left for them to swim in, the psychologist girl finished her report, while sipping dry the tea she was holding. It was clear for both of the girls what the statement implied, as just now Renko realised the true feeling of her friend. But this was just the begging of when she would continue to melt her existence on the chair. There was more of what the therapist girl wanted to say, more nails into the coffin of the patient that was about to capitulate. The questioning started, like one strike of the strike of the hammer after another. Do you think that running would lead you anywhere? Those two were centred at both of her thighs. Is your throat really following what does your brain think? This one pierced her mouth and exited through the back of her neck. Why would you deny your progenitor's wish, did you realise how frighting it was? This one was directed at her heart. She knew now, that even if she wanted to help her friend, she did not realise how important was her desire. All she wanted in the end was for someone else to see how wicked and twisted her visions are really. But this was not just that, Renko also comprehended how much grief and sorrow she caused to her friend. If she would simply believe without doubting, but it was not too late, her doctor assured. The room was filled with darkness and the only vision in her mind was a cup of tea with a fragrance of guilt in her hand. She knew what had to be done, and nothing was standing in her way. Even thought her own conciousness was nailed into the chair lifeless, her other self was capable of finishing it for her. And at the time when the liquid touched her dubious mouth, something suddenly happened. There was a sharp object piercing an aorta, spurting the liquid, which filled the room with strange looking blue blood. It was unclear who done it, although there was a shape of a smile behind a blueberry screen of paint that was dipping to the ground. The dream was changed into reality with great effort.


End file.
